Life is a Marathon, Much Like Love. Healing from heartbreak through self-love
By Nomna
The First Time I Heard the Word “Tenacity”
My boss at SAA Technical, Dave Van Zutphen, who was also my first mentor, once told me something that stuck:
“You are a finisher.”
He said I was tenacious. That was the first time I had ever heard the word tenacity. Naturally, I looked it up, eager to understand it fully. I remember researching it, turning the letters around mentally, trying to grasp its full weight. Over time, I began to understand: tenacity means holding on, pushing through, and finishing—even when it hurts. But how it applied to me? I still had to figure that out.
Dave explained that he was great at starting things but struggled to finish them. I was the opposite. I asked him why finishing was such a challenge. He explained that it takes time, commitment, and, yes, tenacity. He admitted he often gets excited and jumps into new things before closing the chapter on what he’d already begun—but working with me changed that. I would keep him grounded, nudging him back to unfinished business, and slowly, we’d reach the finish line—together.
My Work, My Journey, My Grit
I’ve worked in corporate project environments for over 15 years, seen many beginnings and endings, led go-lives, and embarked on entrepreneurial ventures. Yet the most painful experiences have always been walking away from something unfinished. I’ve had to be brave enough to carry those scars and still move forward.
Take for example:
- The Kitchen “House of Tandoor” – my favourite place in the world
- Collabo Lab Innovation Hub & Design Studio – born shortly after
Shutting these down broke my heart. Both were more than just projects—they were communities and dreams. But even in the heartbreak, there was hope—hope that I’ll revive them again—back home in my rural town.
And then there is Zenwa Concepts—a soul project I refuse to give up on. I’ve carried this business through the darkest times, behind the curtain, even when it felt like no one was watching. In 2023, I finally published my self-discovery journal after 4 long years of stops and starts. It tested every ounce of my patience and belief, and today, as I write this, a copy of it sits beside me. It took everything out of me, but I did it. I look at it and ask: Will this ever be impactful?
For the past five years, I’ve lived mostly in my rural home. I’ve started many initiatives that I’ve had to pause for other life goals. But I can never truly forget them. They linger in my heart, waiting. That, I now know, is tenacity. That, too, is commitment.
I Am Tenacious. But Then… There’s Love… That’s a Different Story
Here’s where it gets murky.
Why does my tenacity, consistency, and grit not carry through to romantic love?
I’ve kept the same close friends for decades. My family relationships are strong and deeply rooted. But romance?
It’s elusive. Slippery. Heart-wrenching.
Why can’t I keep a love that lasts?
Why do I keep starting over?
Is romantic love asking for a different kind of tenacity and commitment? Or am I just meeting people who don’t have the stamina for the marathon?
This morning, I cried for hours binge-watching The Bold Type. And this line rang in my soul:
“Love, much like life, is a marathon—but it means nothing if you’re the only one running.”
I can be committed, resilient, and full of hope. I can also be the most loyal, devoted, and tenacious partner. But if the other person isn’t willing to show up, do the work, and push through life’s tough stretches with me, the race becomes lonely. No matter how great or committed I may be, if I’m the only one showing up ready to do the work, I’m stuck chasing a fairytale ending alone.
And let me tell you—that’s exhausting.
So for now, I take a graceful back seat in this romance chapter.
Not in bitterness.
But in self-preservation.
My heart is all cried out. My soul is knotted in ways that not just anyone can untie—unless they’re willing to cross oceans, part seas and melt mountains.
A Moment of Brutal Honesty
At an Easter event, someone said:
“Single, unattached, sex-starved women are cruel.”
So maybe this is me—officially joining the perceived ‘cruel nation.’
(Not quite proud, not quite ashamed. Just real.)
But what if I ran for ME?
What Growing Self-Love Can Do
I choose to rewrite my love story—whether single or partnered—as one of joy, resilience, and gratitude
- Transform loneliness into *self-appreciation*
- Replace longing with *grateful moments*
- Change the narrative from *lack* to *abundance*
Rewriting the Narrative: Self-Love Over Heartbreak
Here’s what I’ve learned lately:
- Redirect the pain: Instead of searching for “the next person,” what if you invest that energy in *you*?
- Choose growth: Use heartbreak as fuel to build self-awareness, strength, gratitude, joy.
- Create your own love story: One that doesn’t depend on someone else—filled with self-acceptance and celebration.
Self-love isn’t selfish—it’s foundational. A healthy relationship with yourself changes EVERYTHING:
💕 Want to Journey Into Self-Discovery? 💕 Start With Me
Start with the Being Me Passion Journal — a 6-week guided experience to help you reconnect with your truth, passion, and purpose.
If you want a structured, heartfelt guide to building your inner strength, explore this 6-week journal.
Because you owe yourself the kind of love you willingly give to others.
❤️ You deserve your own kindness
❤️ You can find community without romantic validation
❤️ You can live a full, vibrant story even if you’re single
Choose yourself first. Write your own love story—with joy, courage, and gratitude.
✨ Your Reflection Prompts
💭 What unfinished dreams have you had to let go of—or keep alive behind the curtain?
💬 What does tenacity look like for you right now—in love, in life, in purpose?
With love and fire,
Nomna
Founder, Zenwa Concepts
